Thursday, February 12, 2009

for i am convinced

It's been a busy whirlwind of a week. Preparing 22 kids to do a chapel with a love theme, well, quite honestly. . . it took a lot of love out of me. I didn't feel very loving most of the time. I spent a considerable amount of time Wednesday morning before school in prayer. Letting go. Getting my cup filled back up again. My husband told me this week in one of my tempestuous rantings and ravings that I was basically a control freak. (Don't worry, he said it very lovingly. And I acknowledged without dispute that I was, indeed, a control freak.) He reminded me that they were 2nd graders. And that it was going to turn out fine. And that I just needed to let it go. So as I sat on (of all places) the love seat early Wednesday morning, I kept reading and rereading a couple of the verses that were included in our chapel:

Romans 5:5 ~ And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.

One student quoted the verse and another student had a pitcher full of little bitty hearts. It was labeled "God's love." He poured them out into a gift bag that had a big red heart stapled to it that said "you and me." This probably won't make any sense to you, but I've had a few big disappointments this week. Big enough to feel like the life had just been sucked out of me. The wind was gone. I couldn't breathe. Big enough to make me call my mom at 5:30 in the morning crying my eyes out. Haven't done that in a long time. (Thanks, Mom!) So I sat there and just kept making myself see that mental picture of my empty heart being filled up with God's love because, boy, it sure was feeling empty.

Romans 8:38-39 ~ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Another student quoted this verse. With a sweet, thick Romanian accent. I wish you all could've heard him. It's been very meaningful to me as well. I've been feeling pretty separated from a lot of people I love and care about. It happens when you live 2,000 miles away. A lot of life slips by when you only see them for about 2 weeks every year and a half or so. This week it hit me right between the eyes just how much life has slipped by. It made me feel how unaware I really was of what's been going on in the lives of people I love. It's made me feel vulnerable. It's made me feel sick. It's kept me up at night and woken me from a dead sleep early in the morning. It's made me wonder and question and worry. It's made me pray. It's also made me realize that despite what goes on with people, I don't have to worry about being separated from God's love. EVER.

God's love is an amazing kind of love. Nothing can even compare to it. I'm convinced of that. I hope you are too.


Sandra said...

I'm so sorry it's been a rough week for you. (But am glad to hear that your chapel was a rousing success!) I've had my own big disappointment in the last week or so and am still trying to process it. It's been one of those I'm-fine-but-yes-I-can't-help-bursting-into-tears-every-once-in-a-while-kind-of-weeks. I'm praying hard for you! Much love to you.

Kellie said...

We all face those times.... they cause us to learn to lean on the Lord more and more. I loved the verses you posted. What a great reminder that nothing can separate us from our ONE TRUE LOVE. I hope your next week will be better. Sending a hug to ya... :)