Wednesday, April 27, 2011

the royal wedding: a comparison of sorts

It's less than 36 hours away, and I don't know about you all, but I have yet to find a dress for the royal wedding. And not only a dress, but also a hat. Apparently, and this is according to the all-knowing Matt Lauer and Merideth Viera, I'm also going to need a hat. I mean, we've all seen pictures of Kate and her lovely hats with oddly placed feathers. Ladies wearing hats to a royal wedding is as British as drinking tea with milk and sugar (my favorite). But the problem is I don't really look good in hats. There's only one hat that I've liked on myself, and if you want to be all technical about it, it wasn't even really a hat.

I've heard that she's got Westminster Abbey all decked out with trees. Like two tons of trees or something like that. Little does she know I knew trees were the thing way before she did. Raise your hand if you helped drag every tree at Bethel Baptist Church to the stage and then decorated them with white Christmas lights to hide the ugly fake 1970's rock in the baptistry? Oh yes, I see that hand.

All her college friends are going to be there. Ya, well, mine didn't just come, they all had a job to do. And I fed them lasagna at the rehearsal dinner. And I bet they didn't host her a surprise bridal lingerie shower at the local Barnes & Noble either.

I know what you're thinking. . . you opened lingerie at the Barnes & Noble Cafe'? Oh yes, I most certainly did.

She's got quite the line-up as far as musicians go too. I heard there's the guy on the big pipe organ, the Queen's all-British trumpet team, a vocal choir, and the London Symphony. Now come on, doesn't that sound a bit over the top? Like the pipe organ in this huge church isn't enough you have to call in the trumpeters and the symphony? Give me a break. I didn't need all that, and our musicians were amazing.

And they really got down and boogied on the dance floor, which was really the best part of the whole deal.

I'm sure there will be some children involved in the royal wedding. Pages, flower girls, train pouffers, and what not. But they'll have to be stiff. And refined. And well behaved. Unlike this little guy who was anything but stiff, refined, and well behaved at our wedding.

See, we all know deep down inside what kind of children we like to watch at weddings.

And then she gets to ride back from the Abbey to Buckingham Palace in a carriage. That's real romantic and all, but I got to ride in my old dear green Saturn (that Phil505 washed himself not some lowly servant boy) to the Savannah Drive-Thru for a pop. AND. . . we had a flat tire to boot. Poor Kate is never going to know the joy of coming back out of the church from the picture taking to find that the flat tire has been fixed by your awesome friends and is now ready to go.

Kate & Co. are all worried about that rain that's in the forecast for the big day. Well, it downpoured on mine and my guests had to hang out in the hotel hallway for a tornado warning, and it was still all good.

Best wishes to the happy couple, but they should know, when I married my Prince Charming, it really was the wedding of the century. And, no offense, but my Prince Phil is way cuter than her Prince Will.

Now, anybody know where I can find a good millinery shop around here?


Dana said...

This is why, if I ever get married, I'm going to elope!

Dawn said...

Thanks for posting the pics and rehashing that day for everyone. Your wedding was one if the funniest weddings I've ever attended. You forgot the bunch of us blowing up balloons and tying them until our fingers bled! The bridal shower at B&N was CLASSIC! Love you Schwen!

Luci said...

I did not plan my wedding much. I let my dear hubby do all the work. It was too stressful for me and I think eloping and then have a party is the way to go.